Eric The Amazing
by Elbly
Summary: Eric does what he thinks is best for Sookie  again  - Labyrinth Parody - Entry to St Eric contest.


**A/N – I shall hold my hands up and admit my entry to the St Eric contest - a competition where entrants were encouraged to make statements about the interpretation of the SVM characters by other fanfic writers. This is a bastardization mash-up of SVM and Labyrinth. It is intentionally appalling. I hereby apologize if it offends your eyes. If you have not seen Labyrinth, you really should!**

**Set at "some point" in the SVM universe, slightly AU, where Sookie has been looking after Hunter.**

**Please note – these characters are not mine. They are the rightful property of Charlaine Harris and I can only beg her forgiveness for my brutal treatment of them. **

**Any similarity to any other fanfics out there is a COMPLETE coincidence - genuinely!**

**

* * *

**

**Sookie's PoV**

I had been looking after Hunter for a week, and although I love children and would relish the chance of having my own, not that that would ever happen, I have to admit that he was starting to get real annoying. Who knew children asked so many questions, or got so dirty, or cried so easily, or thought such horrible things? I don't approve of abusing children - goodness knows I suffered enough at the hands of my great uncle - but honestly! That kid needs a good slap!

I finished my shift at Merlotte's tired and frustrated, but with an extra fifty dollars in my pocket in change, which is always helpful. Listening to the minds of the great unwashed as they wish for slightly more boob or a bit more wiggle when I walk does help me build up the tips, but money seems to be tight for everyone around here at the moment. It would be great if I could put thoughts into peoples' heads instead of just listening to them, but obviously God decided I deserved a curse, not a gift. I picked Hunter up from Jason's on my way home; he'd been kind enough to put up with the little brat in his truck all day.

I tried to block Hunter's thoughts from my mind, and the constant stream of trash that came out his mouth as he told me all about his day, from my ears. I really didn't care. How about he asked me how my day had gone!

_Well little man, I earned more money so that I could put food in that constantly jabbering mouth of yours, say thank you and I might feed you._

Not that there was much point in thinking such things, no one ever says thank you for the things I do, why should Hunter be any different?

Monotony (word of the day, some date, who cares?) continued for the rest of the evening, just like it always does. We ate dinner, washed up and watched a movie with puppets and goblins and a dog; the movie scared Hunter and his mind just wouldn't shut up. I tucked him up in bed, and then went to my own room for some quiet.

Looking at my bed I noticed that my favorite stuffed toy, Mr. D, was missing from that perfect spot between my pillow and the comforter. Hunter! That little swine had taken my bear. I got changed into my bed clothes, giving him time to fall asleep, then marched to his room and took the bear back.

I paused to look at him as I left the room, and turned off the night light – serves him right to wake up in the dark, all alone.

"Vampire King! Vampire King, wherever you might be, take this child far away from me!" I said; remember the lines from the film. Nothing happened, just as I expected, and a sigh escaped my lips. I was stuck with him.

Joy!

**Eric's PoV**

I was sat behind my desk, thinking of my beautiful wife. She is the embodiment of perfection – her breasts are delicate and soft, her hair luscious and glowing, her sexual appetite unquenchable! And her blood, how could one quantify it? Her blood was nectar. Delicious, satisfying, heavenly! Just thinking about her gave me the delightful sensation of warmth, despite it being a millennium since I last produced any body heat myself.

My wife, my beloved, my bonded.

Tonight was not a night I would see my Sookie, she would be tired from being on her feet all evening at the shifter's bar, and, although I would gladly shower her with everything her heart could wish for, I would never dream of taking her independence, so I resolved to be as supportive as I could possibly be. It was my job to anticipate her wants and needs, and it was my pleasure to fulfill them. I had Pam to run my business for me so I could spend my every re-animated hour providing for my love.

As I planned my next gift, I felt a small voice at the back of my mind; Sookie was calling to me through the bond. I closed my eyes, and listened.

"Vampire King! Vampire King, wherever you might be, take this child far away from me!"

I chuckled to myself, and added "find a diverting activity/child minder for Hunter" to my list.

There was a wave of disappointment that blossomed across the bond, and then the words "I wish the vampires really would come and take you away. Right now."

That was it! I put my pen down and called for my lackey.

Pam slinked into the room like the PVC clad feline creature she is. "Yes Master?" she purred, and fluttered her eyelids. Oh, that Pam!

"I need you to go and collect Hunter from Sookie's. Take him back to my home and find a trust worthy carer for him – ideally take the job on yourself." I instructed her.

Pam rolled her eyes, huffed, and looked at me with petulance. "I don't _do_ miniature humans. You know that Eric!"

"You do today Pam, and while you're at it, make sure no one can follow you to steal the boy away. I want him there, safe and sound, tomorrow evening when I wake. I plan on turning him."

"But he's seven Eric, we don't turn children!" she replied; an eyebrow raised in confusion.

A momentary concern flashed across my mind; I waved my hand nonchalantly. "This is what Sookie wants, and what Sookie wants..."

Pam raised her eyes to the ceiling and finished my sentence for me. "Sookie gets."

"Precisely my point. Now go! Do! Be gone!" And on my instruction, my child lithely slid back into the corridor.

I threw open the cupboard doors to find the perfect outfit to change into. I was going to visit Sookie, and I needed to look my best. My fingers ran over the many Fangtasia branded tees and wife beaters I owned until I came to a pair of pants I had not worn in some time and I cringed at the image I would portray, but for Sookie… anything!

**Sookie PoV**

I woke early, before sunrise, and realized how peaceful my sleep had been. The constant stream of thoughts from Hunter was silent, and I lay there, contented, enjoying the peace.

The curtains billowed for a second, and as they settled Eric was stood by my open window dressed in a white frilly shirt, vest and skin-tight black pants. I never object at the chance to admire that fine butt, and obviously I enjoy his junk every time I can, but I swear these pants were so tight I could see his trouser snake wink at me! For a moment I took in the vision before me; his hair was lose around his shoulders, his feet apart, and his hands on his hips. The scowl on his face told me he meant business.

I burst out laughing.

Eric raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Eric, you look like you raided my Gran's closet!" I managed between the giggles.

Eric looked less than impressed. And then it hit me.

"Where's Hunter?" I asked

"You know very well where he is." Eric replied, his tone calm and measured.

"Bring him back." I demanded. He might be irritating, but he's still my cousin, and he's a bit too young to be messed up with vampires, I reasoned to myself.

The corners of his mouth curled as he looked at me intensely. "I've brought you a gift," he said after a few moments.

"What is it?" A girl never turns down a nice gift.

Eric held his hand out with a glass ball in it and began to flick his hand this way and that, the ball following his every movement. I was quite impressed. "It's a crystal, nothing more, nothing less. Your friend Amelia told me you'd admired hers; I thought you'd like one."

I sighed; it was quite a disappointing present. "Give me Hunter back. You'd better not be thinking of turning him!" Eric held my stare. "Eric Northman! Don't you DARE turn that child!"

"Fine, I won't, but I will keep him safe for the day to give you a rest, I'm sure you need it. He'll be happy and entertained when you come and pick him up at nightfall." He moved closer to me, kissed me gently, his tongue stroking my lips, sending shivers down my spine. "I had better be gone. I'll see you in thirteen hours. Have a lovely day lover."

And with that he left, almost ripping the curtains off their rails in his wake. Infuriating man!

**Eric's PoV.**

I rose from my death and I could feel her near; entering the world to the sensation of Sookie's mind fills me with comfort and never fails to put me at my best. A great day was ahead of me.

Throwing on my ivory silk robe and made my way to her. She was sitting on my couch, relaxed and carefree. I opened my arms to greet her, and a hoped that my first blood of the day would not be synthetic.

I could feel her eyes unwrap my robe, and I could not help the smirk that was growing across my lips, or the stirrings that were growing below the silk.

"Give me back the child" she demanded, and my heart sank a little.

"Sookie," I tried to sooth her. The emotions coming through the bond were calm and determined, but I had misunderstood them, and I now saw she was not here for me. "Beware. I have been generous up until now, but I can be cruel."

"What have you done that's generous?" Sookie asked.

"Everything. Everything that you have wanted, I have done. You wanted protection, I protected you, You wanted the child gone, I took him, I married you to keep you safe, I have turned my world upside down, and I have done it all for you. I am exhausted from living up to your expectations. And the gifts! Isn't that generous?" There was no anger or malice in my voice. I had done it all for her, for love, but there were times that a little recognition would be welcomed.

"Through dangers untold," she said.

"Dangers? Who has threatened you? I will deal with them!"

"And hardships unnumbered" she continued.

"Hardships? Tell me what you need and you shall have it." I reassured her.

"I have fought my way to your castle, beyond Shreveport City. For my will is as strong as yours, and my power is as great." Sookie's voice was unwavering, her stare unrelenting, and I could feel her slipping from me.

"Sookie, stop, wait. Look at what I am offering you." I waved my hands about me to indicate that, as I had promised, my home was hers. "Everyone who owes me fealty recognizes you as my wife. You want for nothing. Say the word and I will satisfy you in every way."

"You have no power over me."

My knees buckled.

The bond broke.

The walls of my life crumbled about my head, and crimson tears trickled down my face.

The pain of Sookie's words crushed my heart, and I gripped onto reality long enough to hear her fetch Hunter and leave me crumpled and alone.

**Sookie's PoV**

"So Hunter." I smiled at the little boy in the passenger seat next to me. "How about we get ice cream and you can tell me all about your day?"

I felt a great relief from finally having told Eric I was an independent woman, but planned on ringing him later on to discuss that glass ball he'd given me; it was nice enough, but I needed a new set of pans for the kitchen.


End file.
